Couples' Care

Couples come to therapy for many reasons. 

Couples that are newly dating to the couple that has been together for years, there is always space to do fine tuning. 

It's common for couples to experience their relationship from their individual perspective. In the therapeutic process, this sometimes looks like wanting the therapist to take sides. The truth of the matter is, the therapist is powerless in determining how someone should feel or assigning fault.  In other words, the therapist has no say so in who is right or who is wrong. 

If the therapist is not going to say who is right or wrong, then why come to therapy in the first place? 

The objective is to advocate for, support and treat the relationship.  

A third thing is created when two people come together and not just great love making or children. This thing is the relationship. The relationship has its own identity--it is living, breathing and growing. Most importantly, watching.  

The Power of the Mainspring Approach

The focus shifts from what he did or what she did to how are we treating the relationship. On a deeper level, how can we be better examples in the relationship, to the relationship and through the relationship. This experience provides the couple with permission to see each other with kind eyes, open ears and listening hearts. 

The Mainspring Approach

1. Telling the Truth 

2. Setting Intention 

3. Telling a Different Story

In the telling the truth step, couples learn how to engage commitment, vulnerability and honesty from a loving perspective.

The Power of the Mainspring Approach

The mainspring approach invites couples to explore expressions of assumptions and expectations that were not met. In other words, exploring broken promises. 

Where there is a break in the promise, symptoms like mistrust, betrayal, poor communication and disconnection is experienced. Holding the relationship hostage to a place of suffering in secret and in silence.  

What does this process look like in therapy? 

Take a moment and bring your relationship into the present thought of your mind. Now imagine the relationship being its own living thing. 

How old is it? 

What characteristics does it have? 

What does it sound like? 

What's its fears? 

What's its strengths? 

What's its opportunities for growth? 

In keeping with the theme of the broken promise; now allow it to speak. It might say: 

The break may have hurt both of you, and soon you will get over it, but your inability to come together and love in the midst of the break was unkind--it has left me feeling abandoned and betrayed. 

Now every future argument, I'm going to respond avoidant, violently and without kindness because I am fearful that abandonment will happen again-that neither of you will remember to heal the broken promise and this is betrayal in its highest form.  

The experience of this moment, the being present in this moment, is where change begins. The approach says be you, live in your truth. Simultaneously, this is an invitation to explore and decide who you want to be in the relationship, to the relationship and through the relationship. 

This new way of being allows the couple to unite in one intention, one story-embedded in acceptance and empathy.  This becomes the anchor--the guiding idea for every valley and peak to come.